Chunky Guac

Isn’t it funny…the more you try to teach your kids how to avoid politics on the playground the more you run into them yourself? Why just yesterday I had a conversation with my older daughter about taking the high road. It took some time to get her to understand the concept after she came home in tears following some altercation at school. She alleged that a little girl refused to give her a turn on the monkey bars. After asking politely, my daughter got upset. The girl didn’t budge. And drama ensued, including some dumb comment about my daughter’s outfit which resulted in a little too much giggling from three other girls. She flipped out. I told her this would have been a good opportunity to take the high road and avoid playground politics (which didn’t exactly sink in but at least I tried). “When someone says or does something you don’t like,” I explained, “you have to ignore it and move on.” “Is that what you do, mommy?” she asked. “Why of course, that’s what all mommies do.”

Taking the high road means you take a step back. Taking the high road means you look at the bigger picture. Taking the high road means you have perspective in the grand scheme of things. Taking the high road means…hey, did that {insert expletive} woman just cut me off in the carpool line because she’s in a hurry? Are you kidding me? And now she’s parking her car in front of me and leaving her vehicle? What the hell??? Nobody breaks the cardinal carpool rule by going in front of another car that’s already in line. NOBODY! If there’s one thing I cannot stand about carpool line it’s when people think their need to get home is more urgent than mine.

Well there goes my perspective. My cool is gone. And now I am STUCK because this woman has blocked me in behind a gate which is preventing me from moving. Oh, how I would love to put a nice DENT in her nice new AUDI SUV. But I’m taking the high road. And I won’t dare.

Ahh….carpool politics. Guess they’re kind of the same as playground politics except the mommies are in their cars instead of on the jungle gym. Gotta hate ’em. I do. I hate every smattering minute where I try my best to follow the rules only to be bamboozled by someone who decides to break them.

Honking is an option. But honking will only achieve two things, neither of which is in my favor:

1. I will look like an idiot honking in the school parking lot and probably be made fun of by other moms.

2. My kid will hate me for honking like an idiot in the school parking lot.

I will not honk. I will have some perspective. Here she comes. On her Blue Tooth which makes her look worse. No, actually those Yoga pants that are too tight make her look worse. What? I haven’t told anyone this. I’m just thinking it. So I’m still taking the high road.

And while I’m taking the high road I’ll think about what I should make for dinner. Perhaps something that can be SMASHED. Like an AUDI SUV. Or guacamole. Fine. I’ll go with the guacamole. Eat it with a cheese and mushroom quesadilla or serve alongside a ready-made rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. But know that when you’re smashing away, you’re taking the high road.

Chunky Guac


  • 4-5 ripe avocados
  • 1/2 red onion
  • 4-5 fresh tomatoes
  • 2 lemons
  • Kosher Salt (it must be the thick salt or it won’t work!)
  • Olive Oil


  1. Peel and de-pit the avocados (careful not to chop your finger off like I did when I was not taking the high road).
  2. Chop into large chunks (yes, you can smash this but that’s just for effect…personally I like the chunky kind).
  3. Dice the onion.
  4. Chop the tomatoes into large chunks.
  5. Mix together with a good amount of olive oil. Don’t ask how much. I don’t measure. Just taste it.
  6. Squeeze the juice of both lemons on the mixture.
  7. Sprinkle 2-3 teaspoons of kosher salt on the mixture.
  8. Serve with tortilla chips as an appetizer, or as dinner with cheese and mushroom quesadillas.

*Note* If you’re not serving until later, throw a few of the avocado pits on top of the guac before you put it in the fridge. It will help keeping your guac from turning brown. Enjoy your guacamole and a glass of wine and remind yourself that you’re hotter than that woman in her stupid car who cut you off in her too tight Yoga pants.