To know me is to know that I’ll pretty much do anything for you. Need a kid picked up or dropped off when you’re in a bind? Just ask. Don’t have a place to go for the holidays? Door’s open and food’s a plenty. Having a mommy meltdown? Let’s go for a drink.

But poach my babysitter and I’ll crush you.

It’s probably the number one unspoken rule of mommyhood. You don’t steal another mom’s babysitter. Not surreptitiously. Not publicly. Not on a boat. Not on a plane. Not in a moat. Not in the rain. And especially NOT AT MY POOL IN MY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN I’M ONLY THREE HOUSES DOWN TRYING TO MAKE AN HONEST LIVING. YEAH. I’M TALKING TO YOU PERSON WHO DOESN’T READ THIS BLOG BUT IF SHE DID SHE’D KNOW BETTER.

Okay, I got it out. At least my babysitter’s smarter than the average fifth grader. She knows when to share information. And she shared it.

“How did it happen?” I casually ask?

“Well, she saw me having fun with your kids and not playing on a cell phone like the other sitters,” replied responsible fifth grader. What? I know what you’re thinking. Fifth graders are very responsible.

“And?” I continue.

“She came over to me and told me I look very responsible.”

“Did you tell her you were in fifth grade and technically shouldn’t be babysitting? And especially not taking children to the pool?” I ask.

“Um, no.” she says.

“So?” I say. “What did she want?”

“She asked me for my number and wanted to know if I was free the rest of the week.”

Pause.  ”And then she introduced me to her two kids.”

“She introduced you to…THE REST OF THE WEEK???” THE REST OF THE WEEK???? I HAVE YOU THE REST OF THE WEEK!!!”

“Um, I know. Can I go home now? I want my mommy.”

“Oh, sorry, yeah.”

Well isn’t that just special. A seemingly nice mom toting her two precious children trying to show my underaged babysitter who’s too young to even have a cell phone which is exactly why she’s not on it like every other babysitter at the pool, that she’s cooler than me and therefore deserves to have her the entire week without even thinking to ask me if that’s okay.

Well let me tell you something woman whom I’ve seen at the grocery store and might I add I think your hair is wayyyyy too dark for your mousy little face.

NO. NO. and NO.

Just you wait. I know where you live. I’ve seen your kids. They won’t be getting the full-sized candy bars this Halloween. Your house will be casually passed over the next time there’s a little pool soiree that I’m helping to organize. Oops! So sorry about that.

You blew it. You tried to poach my babysitter. And now I hate dislike will shun you forever.

Deep breath. Okay. I’m over it now. But I will remind myself how much I don’t like you on Sunday when I cook this and don’t invite you for brunch:

Poached Eggs with Spinach and Corn Flake Crumb Mushrooms

Ingredients (listed per serving):

• 3 eggs
• 2 slices nine grain or whole wheat toast or English muffin
• Bag ‘o spinach (fresh)
• 4-5 sliced Portobello mushrooms
• Corn Flake crumbs (they come in a box…just dump some into a bowl)
• Parsley flakes
• Butter
• S&P

1. Sauté some spinach in a bit of butter. *If you’re making a few of these buy a whole bag and sauté it up with some salt and pepper. It reduces considerably in the pan.
2. While the spinach is cooking, beat up one of the eggs and dip the mushrooms in it, then coat with Corn Flake crumbs.
3. Remove spinach from pan and sauté coated mushrooms for a few minutes until brown on each side.
4. In a separate pot, salt and boil some water.
5. Toast the bread.
6. When boiling, reduce to medium-low and crack two eggs gently into the water. The yolks will rise to the top and the whites will magically gather ’round!
7. Cook at least two minutes (longer if you like harder eggs) and remove with a slotted spoon.
8. Remove toasted bread, top with spinach, mushrooms and finally your perfectly poached eggs.
9. Sprinkle with parsley flakes (I don’t do Hollandaise but it’s probably yummy drizzled on top!)
10. With every stab of the fork, remind yourself how much cooler of a mom you are than anyone would dare poach your sitter.

Tags: Eggs Florentine, Poached eggs with spinach and mushrooms