Oh no you didn’t. Oh yes I did.

Yeah, I’m going there. You know it’s been bothering you all month so you might as well start thinking about it now considering Thanksgiving is this Thursday.

Now, before I continue I should duly note that 1) my mother-in-law is not coming for Thanksgiving and 2) if she were, I wouldn’t be stressing about it because she’s cool and pretty much likes everything I make.

Nobody will ever make better food for you than me.

So this is for the rest of you paranoid control freaks out there who need to prove that you can cook, even if you can’t. Or, even worse, for the rest of you who definitely can’t cook for shit and your mother-in-law knows it and has spent the last ten years saddened by the fact that the only thing you’re making for her precious son is reservations.

If you’re hosting, you’ll likely be making the main dish. There’s not too many variations of turkey so figure it out for yourself. But when it comes to impressing relatives (specifically mother-in-laws) it’s all about the sides. Sides that will go into the category of being ‘passed down from generation to generation’ after you serve them. Sides that receive the honor of being called ‘fabulous’ or ‘to die for’ or some other commonly used mother-in-law term. That’s what we’re going for here.  Sides that reek of ‘wow, she actually can lift a finger in the kitchen.’

Because I live in the South, I’m going native on this one. Good old fashioned squash casser….whoops, almost caught myself…thing. Squash thing with cracker crumbs. And butter. Yeah. That’s right. Fatten up that mother-in-law so you can feel even better about yourself when she leaves just a bit more ‘padded’ in the thigh area. I didn’t say you had to eat it…just make it.

Oh no you didn’t. Oh yes you will.

Kick Ass Squash Thing

Ingredients:

• 6-7 yellow squash (Squashes? Squishim?)
• ½ onion (chopped)
• handful of Ritz® Crackers (smashed) or cornflake crumbs (1/2 cup) or other crackers
• half a stick of butter
• dash of sugar
• 2 eggs
• S&P

1. Chop squash and mix with onion.
2. Boil approximately 10 minutes and Drain.
3. Mash but don’t macerate (keep some parts chunky).
4. Add eggs, ½ of the butter, and Mix thoroughly then Pour into greased baking dish.
5. Top with cracker or Cornflake crumbs (you can also line the pan with them if you want more crunch).
6. Nuke remaining butter and pour on top of cracker crumbs.
7. Bake at 375 for appx. 45 minutes or until toasty brown on top.

But If You Really Have To
If you really just can’t do it (cook that is) but you have to serve or bring something and you’re teetering on the “Should I just go to Boston Chicken and get their awesome sides and put it in a bowl?” dilemma, you’ll have to do one of two things:
Own it. If you dare to put that amazing Mac ‘n Cheese in your own dish and claim it as your own, do it with dignity. Do it with a garnish. At least you contributed something with a sprig of parsley. Make sure to throw away all evidence in a neighbor’s garbage. I once dug through the trash when an unnamed relative claimed the apple pie was homemade and actually found the Mrs. Smith’s box. Terrible paper trail
or…
Just be cool about it. Admit you can’t cook and so you picked stuff up. Tell your mother-in-law you have other great qualities and then wink at your husband.

Recipe Card

Kick Ass Squash Thing

Ingredients

6-7 yellow squash (Squashes? Squishim?)
½ onion (chopped)
handful of Ritz® Crackers (smashed) or cornflake crumbs (1/2 cup) or other crackers
half a stick of butter
dash of sugar
2 eggs
S&P

Directions

Chop squash and mix with onion.
Boil approximately 10 minutes and Drain.
Mash but don’t macerate (keep some parts chunky).
Add eggs, ½ of the butter, and Mix thoroughly then Pour into greased baking dish.
Top with cracker or Cornflake crumbs (you can also line the pan with them if you want more crunch).
Nuke remaining butter and pour on top of cracker crumbs.
Bake at 375 for appx. 45 minutes or until toasty brown on top.