Or is it The Rain? I don’t know. It’s too damn hot to think. How does one possibly stay cool when it’s 108 degrees? Douse oneself with ice cubes all day? Blast the AC and hole up at home? Move to Alaska? Every summer when there is some semblance of a heat wave somewhere, the ‘experts’ come out with their rationale about global warming. Atrocious wild fires. Heat beyond your wildest imagination. Record temps. Floods. And by the way, what the heck is a derecho? Isn’t that some sort of Tex-Mex meat filled dish?

Personally I think this whole thing is Tom Cruise’s way of getting back at Katie by hiring the Scientology gods to create a monster heat wave using all of the prenup money he’s not giving her. Cuz he’s certainly not using the profits from Rock of Ages. Oops!

Or maybe it’s a way for Mitt Romney to blame one more thing on Barack Obama. After all, people will be using more AC, spiking costs. More pools will require maintenance, taxing water systems. Gas prices will soar as people flee their homes in the South and Midwest to get to the ocean. Not to mention the lack of hotel rooms in the Pacific Northwest. Who can we blame for that? Paris Hilton. Why not? She’s in the hotel biz. Yeah, this whole heat wave is one big conspiracy theory either by Tom Cruise or the Republicans or Paris Hilton.

I think this heat wave is getting to my head. Even though I’m not exactly in it. I pulled a ‘move to Canada during Vietnam’ and hightailed it to California. Best idea I ever had. Because it’s 70 degrees. Every day. But it’s not like this place doesn’t have its own problems, or conspiracy theories. Last year it was “Carmageddon.” This year it’s “Ramp Jam” — new infrastructure being built on the most crowded highway system in the country wreaking havoc on drivers any time of the day. Probably a conspiracy theory by Arnold Schwarzenegger so we won’t focus on the fact that he slept with his ugly nanny and actually got away with it.

The heat will pass. And then we’ll come up with something else to blame on someone. But for now, let’s toast to our awesome country, no matter how hot it is or how much we hate John Edwards (no, wait, we can all collectively hate John Edwards). We’re lucky to be here. We’re lucky to have the opportunity to come up with conspiracy theories or get the latest news dish from TMZ or Perez Hilton.

Raise your flags high. And hope that a big fat breeze hits you right as you do. Happy 4th to all!

Sittin’ on the Stoop and Fannin’ with your 4th of July Cocktail

1/3 ounce grenadine
1/3 ounce peach schnapps
1/3 ounce Blue Curacao

 

Or is it The Rain? I don’t know. It’s too damn hot to think. How does one possibly stay cool when it’s 108 degrees? Douse oneself with ice cubes all day? Blast the AC and hole up at home? Move to Alaska? Every summer when there is some semblance of a heat wave somewhere, the ‘experts’ come out with their rationale about global warming. Atrocious wild fires. Heat beyond your wildest imagination. Record temps. Floods. And by the way, what the heck is a derecho? Isn’t that some sort of Tex-Mex meat filled dish?

Personally I think this whole thing is Tom Cruise’s way of getting back at Katie by hiring the Scientology gods to create a monster heat wave using all of the prenup money he’s not giving her. Cuz he’s certainly not using the profits from Rock of Ages. Oops!

Or maybe it’s a way for Mitt Romney to blame one more thing on Barack Obama. After all, people will be using more AC, spiking costs. More pools will require maintenance, taxing water systems. Gas prices will soar as people flee their homes in the South and Midwest to get to the ocean. Not to mention the lack of hotel rooms in the Pacific Northwest. Who can we blame for that? Paris Hilton. Why not? She’s in the hotel biz. Yeah, this whole heat wave is one big conspiracy theory either by Tom Cruise or the Republicans or Paris Hilton.

I think this heat wave is getting to my head. Even though I’m not exactly in it. I pulled a ‘move to Canada during Vietnam’ and hightailed it to California. Best idea I ever had. Because it’s 70 degrees. Every day. But it’s not like this place doesn’t have its own problems, or conspiracy theories. Last year it was “Carmageddon.” This year it’s “Ramp Jam” — new infrastructure being built on the most crowded highway system in the country wreaking havoc on drivers any time of the day. Probably a conspiracy theory by Arnold Schwarzenegger so we won’t focus on the fact that he slept with his ugly nanny and actually got away with it.

The heat will pass. And then we’ll come up with something else to blame on someone. But for now, let’s toast to our awesome country, no matter how hot it is or how much we hate John Edwards (no, wait, we can all collectively hate John Edwards). We’re lucky to be here. We’re lucky to have the opportunity to come up with conspiracy theories or get the latest news dish from TMZ or Perez Hilton.

Raise your flags high. And hope that a big fat breeze hits you right as you do. Happy 4th to all!

Sittin’ on the Stoop and Fannin’ with your 4th of July Cocktail

1/3 ounce grenadine
1/3 ounce peach schnapps
1/3 ounce Blue Curacao

 

Tags: 4th of July cocktail, 4th of july drinks, Blue Curacao